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16

The Wonders of Braces


Would you believe that some people like wearing braces? Iím not one of them. I have worn braces for three and a half years, and the torture is almost over.


One day back in the torture chamber (just after having impressions, which is when clay is forced into your mouth and held there for it seems like hours while you drool all over yourself), my orthodontist asked me which two colors of retainers I would like to wear after three grueling years of braces.


Seeing the sheet of colors, I made a face at the "branch brown" with sprinkles. The ugliest color I have ever seen looked back at me in disgust. I asked him how popular that one was, and he told me no one had chosen that ever before.


"Well," I said, "Hook me up with the branch brown." And he looked at me stunned. Suddenly the whole orthodontist place went quiet. The patients in other chairs looked up at me as if I was a god or a fool while the employees whispered, "He has branch brown. He actually got branch brown. Oh my Lord, he got branch brown. Mercy on his soul, please."


Suddenly I was the talk of the house, and it wasnít for my selection of metallic gold for the bottom color. Everyone kept a hairy eye on me as I finished my appointment and walked out, stunned. It would be six weeks until the branch brown arrived.


Now I will answer the question everyone is on the edge of their seats to hear answered, including my editor. "How do people kiss with braces?" Drum roll, please... Everyone listening? Well you see, they donít get in the way at all because no one (I hope) kisses with their teeth.


Braces have become a lot more common these days. More kids and many more adults are wearing the wretched scrap metal. I donít know if before it just wasnít "cool" enough, or that more and more people have messed-up teeth. Braces are good if you like hurting yourself in many, many ways and throwing money into the toilet and flushing, because pain and a high bill are the two biggest setbacks of having train tracks.


But one nice thing (believe me, thereís only one) is that I like my orthodontist and his assistants because, in spite of torturing people, they are very nice and fun to talk to.


Some people are self-conscious about braces and about having them taken off. One friend of mine was in and out of braces in a couple months because she did everything the doctor ordered. But after having them removed, many of her hours went into staring into a mirror and asking herself... "How do they look? Arenít they great. Oh my gosh, somethingís not the same! Quick, whatís wrong?"


Others (like myself) simply are lazy about doing attaching bands and doing everything right. We donít care how they look just as long as the braces finally come off.


The colors of braces can vary monthly. You can choose any colors you want for the bands and the bracket elastics. For instance, red and green for Christmas, or your school colors. The colors range from clear, to the infamous branch brown.


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© By Paul Adams